As seen in the Washington Square News.
You know, I really didn’t want to end up writing about sex again, but “whoops we had slaves” Brown got jealous of all the attention I gave Harvard last week and busted out the old whips.
Er… Right.
Recently, Brown’s Queer Alliance (which admittedly sounds like one of those cartoon supergroups made for educational public-service announcements) threw a “Starf*ck” dance, an event that attracted national attention last year when the least bombastic show on television, Fox News’ “The O’Reilly Factor,” aired footage of a “Sex Power God” party shot by one of their own producers. With “guys kissing guys and girls making out with girls,” intrepid Fox producer Jesse Watters described the festivities as “pure debauchery” and “the wildest party [he'd] ever been to.”
Sex. Power. God. I didn’t know Prince was a Brown student!
Unfortunately, this year’s Queer Alliance advertisements for its “Starf*ck” party were indeed fair and balanced, which is about the last thing someone wants in a good sex romp. The ads were so pitiful, it’s like the Alliance named its party after a Nine Inch Nails song (“Starfuckers, Inc.”) but had to omit the “u” in the name because the record store down the street would only let them buy the censored version (and they were none the wiser.)
What’s a good attempt at provocation without a nice “fuck” in the title? At the party, did everyone actually sing together, “I want to f*ck you like an animal?”
The imagery wasn’t much better. Allow me to describe a recent advertisement: On the left, a girl and guy, not quite making out, but close enough to assume the message is “I want your hot, pasty body.” In the center, a guy with eyes half open watches (perhaps too much pot?). Just below him, another guy and girl embrace, but there is no lip action and the raciest part of the whole ad is his hand over her breast, holding it like a Brown running back holds a football (2-5 in the Ivies in 2006, go Bears!). To the right of this couple, another guy (who looks suspiciously like a Crosby, Stills and Nash roadie) stares on, wondering if he left the oven on.
Woo. Racy. Check please? This kind of shit happens on the C train all the time. Hell, this kind of stuff happens in the line waiting to get into Webster Hall. And we all know the kind of folk who frequent that STD-laced dungeon.
Nevertheless, apparently Brown’s sex parties get fairly out of hand – 24 students needed medical attention for alcohol consumption at a November 2005 party.
Wait a second – you mean to tell me no one’s actually having sex? And they’re really all just playing beer pong in their underwear? Talk about a libido killer: You can get more action playing “seven minutes in heaven” as a thespian in high school. No wonder Brown’s own Daily Herald called the recent party “tame.”
But with all this faux sex flying around, I’m wondering, what exactly about this party screams “queer”? Maybe I’ve been at NYU too long, but there’s nothing really “on the margins” (to use the words of Alliance president Mike DeLucia) about two fellas swapping spit.
In fact, show me some pictures of some serious sexual flogging at Brown, and then I’ll believe you – and abstain from making “brown bear” jokes. In the meantime, I think Brownies (aw, how cute) have just been reading The Symposium a little too much.
So what should we learn from Brown this week, NYU? For starters, it might mean that to have a sex party – and no, that inebriated night at Odessa was not a sex party – you need attractive people (well, I’m sure we’ve got Brown beat on that – just Google “Brown” and “deer-in-headlights-boy” to see one of the Brown Queer Alliance’s finest advertisements). It might also mean that, you know, you actually have to have some sexual relations. With all those free NYC Condoms, NYUers are good to go at any street corner. It could mean that “alternative” lifestyles are in the eye of the beholder – and for Brown students, this is when a shirtless man stands near another shirtless man and a woman wearing a strapless bra.
Clearly, Rachel Kramer Bussel isn’t syndicated in Rhode Island.
But I’m disappointed in you, NYU. With a quick Facebook event search, it seems the sex scene here – at least, the public one involving a large guest list and not your private ménage-a-quatorze – isn’t really happening. And spring has already sprung! So take some notes from Brown, NYU, and show those Ivies who the sexiest in the Northeast really is.
It’s not like you haven’t already copied their term papers.
Andrew Nusca is a former news editor, spitting Ivy bile every week. Tell him where to shove it at opinion@nyunews.com.
Brown plays a sex party safe
As seen in the Washington Square News.
You know, I really didn’t want to end up writing about sex again, but “whoops we had slaves” Brown got jealous of all the attention I gave Harvard last week and busted out the old whips.
Er… Right.
Recently, Brown’s Queer Alliance (which admittedly sounds like one of those cartoon supergroups made for educational public-service announcements) threw a “Starf*ck” dance, an event that attracted national attention last year when the least bombastic show on television, Fox News’ “The O’Reilly Factor,” aired footage of a “Sex Power God” party shot by one of their own producers. With “guys kissing guys and girls making out with girls,” intrepid Fox producer Jesse Watters described the festivities as “pure debauchery” and “the wildest party [he'd] ever been to.”
Sex. Power. God. I didn’t know Prince was a Brown student!
Unfortunately, this year’s Queer Alliance advertisements for its “Starf*ck” party were indeed fair and balanced, which is about the last thing someone wants in a good sex romp. The ads were so pitiful, it’s like the Alliance named its party after a Nine Inch Nails song (“Starfuckers, Inc.”) but had to omit the “u” in the name because the record store down the street would only let them buy the censored version (and they were none the wiser.)
What’s a good attempt at provocation without a nice “fuck” in the title? At the party, did everyone actually sing together, “I want to f*ck you like an animal?”
The imagery wasn’t much better. Allow me to describe a recent advertisement: On the left, a girl and guy, not quite making out, but close enough to assume the message is “I want your hot, pasty body.” In the center, a guy with eyes half open watches (perhaps too much pot?). Just below him, another guy and girl embrace, but there is no lip action and the raciest part of the whole ad is his hand over her breast, holding it like a Brown running back holds a football (2-5 in the Ivies in 2006, go Bears!). To the right of this couple, another guy (who looks suspiciously like a Crosby, Stills and Nash roadie) stares on, wondering if he left the oven on.
Woo. Racy. Check please? This kind of shit happens on the C train all the time. Hell, this kind of stuff happens in the line waiting to get into Webster Hall. And we all know the kind of folk who frequent that STD-laced dungeon.
Nevertheless, apparently Brown’s sex parties get fairly out of hand – 24 students needed medical attention for alcohol consumption at a November 2005 party.
Wait a second – you mean to tell me no one’s actually having sex? And they’re really all just playing beer pong in their underwear? Talk about a libido killer: You can get more action playing “seven minutes in heaven” as a thespian in high school. No wonder Brown’s own Daily Herald called the recent party “tame.”
But with all this faux sex flying around, I’m wondering, what exactly about this party screams “queer”? Maybe I’ve been at NYU too long, but there’s nothing really “on the margins” (to use the words of Alliance president Mike DeLucia) about two fellas swapping spit.
In fact, show me some pictures of some serious sexual flogging at Brown, and then I’ll believe you – and abstain from making “brown bear” jokes. In the meantime, I think Brownies (aw, how cute) have just been reading The Symposium a little too much.
So what should we learn from Brown this week, NYU? For starters, it might mean that to have a sex party – and no, that inebriated night at Odessa was not a sex party – you need attractive people (well, I’m sure we’ve got Brown beat on that – just Google “Brown” and “deer-in-headlights-boy” to see one of the Brown Queer Alliance’s finest advertisements). It might also mean that, you know, you actually have to have some sexual relations. With all those free NYC Condoms, NYUers are good to go at any street corner. It could mean that “alternative” lifestyles are in the eye of the beholder – and for Brown students, this is when a shirtless man stands near another shirtless man and a woman wearing a strapless bra.
Clearly, Rachel Kramer Bussel isn’t syndicated in Rhode Island.
But I’m disappointed in you, NYU. With a quick Facebook event search, it seems the sex scene here – at least, the public one involving a large guest list and not your private ménage-a-quatorze – isn’t really happening. And spring has already sprung! So take some notes from Brown, NYU, and show those Ivies who the sexiest in the Northeast really is.
It’s not like you haven’t already copied their term papers.
Andrew Nusca is a former news editor, spitting Ivy bile every week. Tell him where to shove it at opinion@nyunews.com.